If you’re dating a pilot or are considering dating a pilot, there are unique aspects to the lifestyle of pilots that you should know about. Many of these traits are gender-wide traits that are merely exaggerated in pilots.
The responsibility, training and schedules of pilots make them a unique breed of men. Pilots can be very fun, generous and sweet if you understand their unique way of life.
Lesson One: Ego
It takes some gall to be willing to fly a plane. For better or for worse, or for both sometimes, that’s what pilots do. It’s a big responsibility, they had to work hard to earn it either in the military or logging hours as an instructor and they aren’t going to minimize the accomplishment. They just aren’t. Even if they work for a low-paying regional airline, no pilots will minimize their accomplishments.
This may bring up an issue of your ego versus his ego. If that’s a constant struggle with you and your pilot, it will never go away. Maybe you thrive on it. Maybe it will destroy you. That’s up to you.
Assuming you thrive on the tension, keeping in mind his ego is about more than battles in your relationship. This is not just a matter of your ego versus his ego; it is also a matter of safety. Read on.
All men have egos, but pilots have bigger ones. If you love them, you want them to have an ego sometimes. Think about it. They’re taking a huge piece of hollow metal and hurling it through their air, putting their own lives on the line and possibly the lives of others. That’s a lot of responsibility. We want these guys confident or else they’ll get nervous and screw up.
Before your pilot boyfriend leaves for a trip, avoid fighting. You never, ever upset a pilot before he’s about to take lives 30,000 feet above ground. You can’t avoid ever having important, potentially contentious, discussions, but try to avoid doing it the night before he leaves or while he’s on a trip.
Lesson Two: Scheduling
Planning is very difficult while dating a pilot. You may end up having Christmas in February or celebrating your anniversary a week early. You have to work with it and be flexible. Warn people when you make plans that your pilot may be on a trip. Below is a brief explanation of why this is the case.
In the civilian world, there are two types of schedules, generally: lines and reserves. Some airlines have hybrid lines with reserve days in between. Schedules are determined based on seniority, with the most senior pilots selecting their schedules first of the available lines.
If your pilot is on reserve, he will have specified days on which he has to wait for the airline to call him in case they need him to fly. Most of the time, reserve days are spent at home, but some may be required to be served sitting at the airport. Home reserve days are flexible and the pilot just has to be able to get to the airport to fly within a certain amount of time after being called. Depending on the circumstances, he may not fly at all or he may fly for a week.
Even if your pilot has enough seniority to “hold a line,” or have a regular flight schedule, there are many things that can affect whether he can stick to his schedule. The nature of their work subjects pilots to delays that are entirely in the hands of someone else. Weather, maintenance and work rules often dictate when they can fly and when they cannot. Line holders have more predictability in their schedules than reserve pilots, but you must keep in mind the nature of the work and how rapidly airline schedules can change.
If your pilot is a military pilot, scheduling is wildly unpredictable. The military does not have to follow the same rules as the civilian world does and your pilot may have a surprise trip come up for tomorrow. Once he leaves, you are depending on the military to get him home when they say they will. Add at least two days to when he is scheduled to be home. Military aircraft break a lot. A five day trip can easily turn into a three week trip due to maintenance delays.
The pilot’s schedule can make even the simplest of planning a struggle. As pilots advance in their careers and improve their seniority, scheduling difficulties will decrease dramatically. However, keep in mind that weather and maintenance delays will always be a concern as long as he’s hurling metal through the air for a living.
Lesson Three: The Boys
Pilots are pack animals. They travel in groups. Maybe it’s the type of person who is attracted to flying or perhaps it’s a behavior that develops in pilot training. Whatever it is, I have yet to meet a pilot who does not prefer to travel in a pack most of the time.
They value their time with their male friends. Let them have it. You do not want to be there all of the time when they are having guy time. You just don’t. Let them blow off steam and tell dirty jokes. He’s going to do it anyway, but do you really want to hear it every time? Really, you don’t.
Come up with a system for you to communicate what nights you want with him and when he wants boys nights out. That way you’ll both get priority time.
Lesson Four: Alone Time
You get “you” time while he’s gone, but he doesn’t get alone time unless he’s home without you. Trips are not alone time. They are full of deadlines, phone calls to dispatch and crew scheduling and trying to eat and sleep in the five hours you might get by the time you get to the hotel. This is not his alone time; it’s stressful and not restful.
If he needs time alone, go have a girls’ night. It will be fun for you and will give him a chance to recharge. You may even shock him and offer up alone time. Give him a chance to miss you.
Lesson Five: Have Fun
Should you be silly or lucky enough to actually love a pilot and keep him around, remember to have fun when you’re together. So often, couples get caught up in the day-to-day of kids, groceries and jobs. Your pilot has limited time with you at home. Don’t stress him out with the day-to-day all of the time. Make time to have fun, like you did when you just met.
Remembering to have fun together will keep you both happy and remind you of why you love each other in the first place. Being a pilot and dating a pilot have unique issues many couples do not face. The fun will remind you of why it’s all worthwhile.
